The man in my mirror

Looking back over this year, there are changes that I would like/need to make.  Speaking with the man in my mirror, it’s apparent that we would like to become a better person (not just a better official) collectively.  We need not to worry about what others do/are doing/thinking, how this person does this/that; why these people prefer certain people over other, etc.


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.


I read a profoundly thought provoking and deep quote recently, and went a little something like…..”  You can’t change the people around you….BUT…you can change the people around you”!!


As an official, along with being former & future president of an official's association, I get calls/texts about things that are really out of any of our control.  Why can’t I get games in this league? Why don’t I get tournament games?  Why does this person get a ton of games and he’s not a good ref, etc.  A lot of the questions I have no control over or idea why (well some I have my opinions, but they are just that, MY opinions).


Now I admit that I have worked with a partner/partners that I don’t really care for as an official and have been professional enough to get through the contest without any noticeable/visible evidence of this.  Did I let it affect my mental preparation?...YES, sometimes to the point where I felt that I gave myself a headache just trying to mentally prepare for what I knew would come, and I simply cannot let others dictate how I am going to feel/perform.  Epic fail on my part, as those are the longest rides home, pouring over this and that, and letting it subtract from goal…Ugh!


Other’s expectations of us vs. the reality of being ourselves can be pretty taxing.  If there are expectations placed upon us by those that say they have your best interest in hand, we can only control what we can control.  I advise staff/officials/etc. not to be one that is passive aggressive with communication, just state what you would like to get across and not convolute the process with having to wade through all of the innuendoes, etc.


The man in my mirror recently asked me “why do you care what some of the others think about your work?” My response was, “I always try to do my best”….he responded “Exactly!!  Do what you have to/required to do, follow/enforce the rules, and let that be what you are known & respected for.  Not everyone is going to like/respect you!  There are those that would like to be where you are, there are those who just don’t like you for your life choices and views and you need to be comfortable enough to deal with that and just be YOU bro!  Your responsibly is to follow God’s plan for you, take care of your family, and all the other stuff will work itself out if/when necessary.”


Again, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.


Thanks again for taking the time out to read this and have a happy holiday season!

Traveling official……a balance between acceptance and utter ignorance!

This time of year for me can be pretty brutal when it comes to traveling.  A lot of people’s dream is to “travel”, and while that is great in some instances, other times it’s a necessary evil to travel so that you can afford to travel….does this make sense?

As an employee, a basketball official, a volleyball/travel volleyball official, and father of a travel volleyball player, traveling during this time of year is almost 2^nd nature.  Not to mention several trips up and down the turnpike to NE Ohio to help out my father, who had a mini stroke this past summer and is doing well, but not fully back to where he was, so as his son, it is my responsibility to travel down to assist with this and that.

Being on the road doing basketball games definitely has its ups and downs.  Being in different gyms on a nightly basis, not seeing the same people saying that same things is quite refreshing for the most part….but then you also are subject to run into those people that are still stuck in their ancient ways, where you are judged by the color of your skin instead of the black & white (erry correlation huh?) stripes on your shirt.  As a professional on and off of the court, I just try to go about my business and let those few childish (insert choice words here…lol) dwell in their insane pool of ignorance!  A recent incident at a school system in my area has pretty much led to a boycott of that district from the majority of black/African American (even quite a few non-black/AA officials).  In this day and time where there is a severe shortage of officials, let’s see how the preponderance of ignorance works out of them. 

Okay, on a lighter note, going to gyms where the staff knows you by name and respects what you
do, it quite refreshing.  I actually look forward to visiting some gyms where you are greeted with a handshake, offer of food/drink and some very interesting tales……, while other gyms, it is strictly a business trip…go in and do your best, and move on to the next one.  

There are those that believe it’s financially rewarding to be an official.  I, like most, definitely don’t do it just for the money, but the financial compensation surely does assist with things such as Travel volleyball for my daughter, a few trips to the outlets….lol, etc. 

If you have ever thought about becoming an official, I encourage you to do so, whatever sport you choose, it’s a way to give back to our youth and communities to ensure that high school sports continue to thrive and provide opportunities for our children.

6 years ago I established and wrote my first blog :-)   I have had a very favorable response to this blog, and even requests that I publish more often.  I thank each and every one of you that take the time to read my thoughts/opinions, and will do my best to continue to provide a quality product.

Happy Holidays!

 ✌🏽&❤️

Definition of a good official?

In basketball, an official (usually called a referee) enforces the rules and maintains order in the game. Basketball is regarded as among the most difficult sports to officiate due to the speed of play, complexity of rules, the case-specific interpretations of rules, and the instantaneous decision required (definition from Wikipedia)

Does a good official need to validate that they are indeed that by tournament appearances?  In my opinion, not at all.  I know really good officials that have yet to officiate a tournament game, and have been officiating for years.  I would work with these officials ANY day of the week. 

I have, and will NEVER let a profession that I have chosen to participate in, define me in any way, shape or form.  Tournament games are NOT the only form of validation that you are a good official.  

If an official goes out, works hard and does their very best each time out, that in itself should be a testament of what type of official they are.  Taking pride in your work, knowing and enforcing the rules equitably, professionalism (on and off the court) and having a strong work ethic is paramount to what I feel makes good officials.

When a hall of fame official (50+ years in the game) is sitting in the front row of a game, and tells the officials that they are doing a great job out there....is that validation or what?

Of course it makes some very proud to be able to say I have officiated state tournament games, etc.  Me.....my pride lies in:

1.       My family, the fact that we are all healthy, kids did/doing very well with their education, and fortunately aren't faced with the challenges of a lot of others;

2.       My career/job and staff where there's a much bigger picture and opportunities to make a difference in the lives of so many on a daily basis;

3.       The fact that my work & work ethic on & off the court is recognized by my peers (hall of famers or not).

Now THAT is what I am comfortable being defined by.

Do I, and have I officiated tournament games? Yes!  Will I do so again this year?  Yes!

As President of my association, I feel the need to publically recognize those really good officials who are not recognized in this manner.  Is the selection process political in nature?  I don't know, but the perception is certainly out there. I believe one of my roles as President of my association, is to represent ALL members of our association, not just those that are selected to participate in the state tournament. 

I am extremely proud of those from my association that are selected, please don't get me wrong, and I congratulate each one both publically and in person.  There is an immense sense of pride when one or more of your association members are representing the assoc. on the biggest stages in Ohio high school basketball...but there is also something special to be said about those that work extremely hard, do a helluva job, be it Varsity, JV & Freshman, Junior High/Middle School, CYO, or any of the number of AAU related tournaments that now exist.  Do all officials work hard....NOPE!  Everyone knows at least one that doesn't....LOL, and it’s sad and hard/frustrating to watch a lazy official.

To those officials that continue to work hard, give back and provide the game with what our main mission/purpose is as officials...... I encourage you to PLEASE keep the faith, continue to work hard, take pride, and give the teams/ schools your best while on the court...they deserve it.   Please do not let a perceived arbitrary process define your impact on the game, and what we as officials bring to the game....it's much bigger than that!!

You ARE making a difference!

Small town Friday nights!

Sporting events in small rural towns in something special to behold.  When the entire community comes out to support, not only the varsity team, but the JV team, now that is some type of special community support.
 

In larger communities, attendance at some of the “bigger” games has the support, but the majority of the games has medium to sparse attendance from what I have witnessed.

 I recently officiated a game in one of the small town/rural communities in NW Ohio.  My usual modus operandi(aka…M.O.) is to arrive at the site/school shortly before 6pm for my 7:30 games, pretty much 1.5 hrs before my scheduled tip off.  On this evening, I arrived at 5:40pm, only to find the entire parking lot was already filled with vehicles…(hmmm wondering if there’s another event taking place simultaneously....concert?  play? what??).

Upon walking into the school, there was a line of about 8-10 people waiting to purchase admission tickets.  I looked around the line into the gym to see one side was already almost completely full (my mind went right to…..did they move the varsity start time up??...lol).  I meet the site administrator, and he begins to walk me to the officials locker room.  Once inside the gym, I see that the other side is almost full also!

Game time arrives….we exit the locker room and enter the court, and the place is PACKED!  Student sections jammed, parents and grandparents in the customary seats, etc, the only thing missing was the pep band….but there was enough noise coming from the respective student sections that it really didn’t matter.

What I really love is that during the game, whether it be during time outs, etc. some fans take the opportunity to tell you that “you guys are doing a great job out there”.  I like to ask one or two of them if they’d like to “trade positions” at least for a quarter…and the answer is ALWAYS a resounding NO Thanks!!  This particular game, there was a group of older gentlemen sitting together ( I imagine they’ve been doing this for years), but one guys says to me(during a time out)… “hey ref, you guys are doing a great job, but the guy down there isn’t happy with you”  I laugh, and reply back….”yeah I know, he thinks I suck and has expressed that to me several times already, but I told him one more time and it’ll suck being outside in the -2 degree weather”.  The gentlemen chuckle and one says, “yeah that would REALLY suck”.
 
Another asked if I’m going to do anything else about it……

Me: Nope, I might blow my whistle REALLY loud right in front of him, but that’s about it!”

The game goes off without any of that type of drama, and turned out to be a really good game!  At one point, the student sections were so loud (chanting back and forth), that any weak whistle (sorry…pet peeve of mine) would not be heard…..lol”

After the game, I shower and get dressed and as I’m walking out of the school, players, parents/grandparents all turn to say, “Thank you, you guys did a really good job out there tonight” and offer me some food for the ride home!   Can’t really ask for anything more!
Support for today’s youth is paramount!  Yes, we live in a generation where the majority of them think that they could never survive 5 min’s without that shackle (aka…phone) in their hands, but communities that come out and show support to these kids are doing them a huge service, even if the majority of them don’t/can’t comprehend it at this stage of their lives.

It’s all about support, and support is something that is increasingly fading away in today’s society.

Keep up the awesome work small town, America!

The
Art of Biting Your Tongue…..

Have you mastered the art of biting your tongue?  Or are you still a work in progress like most of us?  In today’s society, some feel that they can do and say what they please, with no regard for others (and sometimes for themselves).  Hard lessons are on the horizon! J

If you have ever received what you feel is a ridiculous request from someone, let’s say at work, what is your typical response protocol?  Do you offer some sort of resistance, or do you just go with it?

I believe we’ve all seen those Facebook post where someone is typing/texting what they REALLY would like to say/respond with, but ultimately changes it to the politically/professionally correct response.  I have to say, I feel that I have a knack for biting my tongue in most instances, but sometimes I too fall short. J 

It recently took me 6 minutes to respond to an email, because my brain simply REFUSED to let me bite my preverbal tongue for several minutes.  It took a couple of strolls around the office, down the hall, up the stairs, down another hallway, down more stairs and subsequently back to my office before my brain would allow me to type the professional response.  Clicking the mouse button to “send” the response was a struggle in itself!  I believe that my brain and fingers now have some sort of “beef” with each other…LOL  Oh well, they’ll get over it, hopefully before lunch time J.

As an official, especially with basketball, the art of biting your tongue is paramount to being successful in this endeavor.  Being a basketball official, I would have to say there’s really not a more difficult “training ground” to practice this art of restraint and professionalism.   YES, sometimes we all let a remark or two slide off of our tongues, whether intentional or by accident……and if you’re an official and you are claiming that you never have, just STOP that nonsense right now!....LOL 

Okay, back to the art of mastering this thing…….

Dear Mama,

On this day after a heated & nasty election campaign, while others are voicing their opinions verbally and through social media, I am choosing to honor you and your teachings to me.

Only God can truly judge you; don’t believe everything you see on TV, read, or hear from 3^rd/4^th parties; for they may have an agenda that will derail the path that God has set forth for you to follow. I am at work today, choosing not to get involved in any of those debates/conversations, but electing (play on words..lol) to do my job to the best of my ability today, and hoping that you and dad are proud of your son!

You taught me to speak up if I thought I was being wronged, but you also let me know not to be ignorant in going about it.  If someone has wronged you Mark, do your best to forgive them and give them a 2^nd or 3^rd chance if necessary.  If they continue to wrong you, then don’t be a fool, be done with them, pray for them, and move on.  These conversations have gone through my mind in the past few weeks, as this election thing has wound down.  I still hear my father telling me, “they’re all crooks Mark, never trust a politician” and hearing you say that most of them are the wolf in sheep’s clothing, but some of them are genuine and worth listening too. 

 

Anyway enough about that crap, it is what it is, and will be what it will be.  

Nine years ago today, your body left this earth, but your spirit and your legacy within our family lives on.  It lives on through the knowledge & wisdom that your parents & siblings taught you, and you passed that one to my brother and I, and I am doing my very best to pass that on to my two children.  There are times when I will stop to think, “my mother would NOT be happy with me right now” and I subsequently change my path, because that is the way you raised me.  You may not be here for me to call or visit with anymore, but I can still hear your voice, your wisdom, even some of your scolding’s, and that’s proof to me that you are still up there looking out for me.

On this day, for the 4^th time in the 9 years that you have been gone, I have gotten into my vehicle and 2Pac’s Dear Mama has been on the radio!  In the past, I’ve chalked it up to coincidence, but today I could do nothing but breakdown in tears.  I turned my Jeep off and took the necessary time to gather myself before starting it back up and proceeding to make my way to work.  My heart tells me that this was your sign to me that you are truly watching over us. 

I love you, I miss you, and I am so very thankful that God chose you to be my mother, because in tough times I know that I can always depend on my mama!!

Pour out some liquor and I reminisce, cause through the drama
I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus

When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act crazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me…….(2Pac, Dear Mama)

Mentor is defined as:  – 1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.  2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

To me, a mentor is someone who not only helps to guide you through difficulties, but also teaches you the hard lessons of everyday life, while still being flexible & supportive.  Whether it be talks about parents/lack thereof, finances, girlfriends/boyfriends, sports, class schedules, officiating, being in the streets vs. in school, or just what are you are/aren’t doing with your life.

Reflecting back, I sometimes ask myself, “why did this young man/woman choose me as his/her mentor, or how did I all of a sudden become a mentor to this person or that person?  I have seen young men & women arrive on campus, naïve/lost/very immature, and leave truly grown professional adults. There are some that I wasn’t surprised at all that they have become functioning successful career minded adults, just needed a little guidance or some "real talk".  Some, well let’s just say even I had doubts in my ability to help, but God intervened and gave me the tools & wisdom necessary to make it work for those individuals.

For me, and many others, it’s not what you put into the mentor/mentee relationship, it’s the end product…when that individual sees that preverbal light at the end of the tunnel and patterns their respective lives accordingly.  When that knucklehead kid walks into your office for the first time, cocky, full of street smarts and lacking in the academic arena and on the verge of being dismissed from the university…..sends you a text from his new university showing a certificate with his name on the Dean’s List, a pic of him in his graduation robe, and his acceptance into Grad School……having him thank you and giving you credit for him getting there…..THAT is what has made me so very thankful & proud to have served in this capacity to those that were either assigned to me, sought me out on their own, or just happened by circumstance.

It still makes me look around when I hear, “Mr. Brooks” (that was always my dad).  Mark, Mr. Mark, Big OG, Mr. B, Boss/Boss man are more of what I’m used to hearing J.

So to all of those young men & women that I have had the pleasure of working with over the years, I am and will always be very proud of each of you.  Continued success.... and remember when a young man or woman approaches you potentially looking lost/seeking advice, etc. to give back if/when you can, you know it helps!

 

Thank You!