The Nemesis.....

COVID-19….No sports(how dare they)….No casinos(time for them to lose money??)…..no travel abroad…..no toilet paper(wtf??🤷🏽‍♂️), and no officiating opportunities(just got real for some)! 

For those that officiate for the love of the game, or to stay close to something that was once a huge part of their lives, this is a difficult pill to swallow, but we will come out of this and get right back on course once this subsides.

For those that do it for the money, or count on this supplemental income to pay bills, this is almost equal to strangulation/a fish out of water/ jumping out of the plane and the parachute isn’t opening, or that dream that everyone has had at one time or another where you are trying to run/escape and you aren’t getting anywhere!..….Damn!

I’ve had several basketball & volleyball tournaments cancelled recently.  I’m okay with it, and can fill the time accordingly, but I do feel for those that sponsor/put on the events, as this may have a negative impact on their financial situations.  Hopefully all will be okay and come out of this still shining! 🤞🏽🙏🏽

This pandemic has forced the vast majority of us to take a huge steps back and realize what is really important:

• Our health…as most of us are taking the necessary precautions to do what we can to remain C-19 free.  Those of us who have to be at work, don’t cut corners when it comes to being safe please!
• Our families….check on your fam please!  There are really good people out there offering to check on elderly family members for those that cannot get to their families members.
• Our communities… with restaurants, bars, etc. being forced to close, many people are/have lost their source of income and livelihood, and the rest of us can/should help out if/when we are able too. 
• Our sometimes lack of appreciation for the first responders and health care workers!  Some feel/think it’s just another job, but these are the individuals in this country that we simply cannot function without, Period!
  
  

I’ve seen people on social media do nothing by complain, criticize and bitch about this thing.  Someone said “there’s nothing you can do about it”….I beg to differ!  Now is the time where we as a community/state/nation can come together, lift one another up, adhere to the safety precautions and do our best to heal what has/is transpiring.  If you pray…please pray or is all!   If you don’t, please wish us luck and keep us in your thoughts. 

Whatever the reason we do this officiating thing, we are ALL in this together.  Hang in there …🏀🏐#StayStrong  #StaySafe. #DontBelieveEverythingYouRead.  #KeepTheFaith

 PS....somebody please tell me what this toilet hoarding 💩 is all about .

✌🏽❤️

Mark A. Brooks

The man in my mirror

Looking back over this year, there are changes that I would like/need to make.  Speaking with the man in my mirror, it’s apparent that we would like to become a better person (not just a better official) collectively.  We need not to worry about what others do/are doing/thinking, how this person does this/that; why these people prefer certain people over other, etc.


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.


I read a profoundly thought provoking and deep quote recently, and went a little something like…..”  You can’t change the people around you….BUT…you can change the people around you”!!


As an official, along with being former & future president of an official's association, I get calls/texts about things that are really out of any of our control.  Why can’t I get games in this league? Why don’t I get tournament games?  Why does this person get a ton of games and he’s not a good ref, etc.  A lot of the questions I have no control over or idea why (well some I have my opinions, but they are just that, MY opinions).


Now I admit that I have worked with a partner/partners that I don’t really care for as an official and have been professional enough to get through the contest without any noticeable/visible evidence of this.  Did I let it affect my mental preparation?...YES, sometimes to the point where I felt that I gave myself a headache just trying to mentally prepare for what I knew would come, and I simply cannot let others dictate how I am going to feel/perform.  Epic fail on my part, as those are the longest rides home, pouring over this and that, and letting it subtract from goal…Ugh!


Other’s expectations of us vs. the reality of being ourselves can be pretty taxing.  If there are expectations placed upon us by those that say they have your best interest in hand, we can only control what we can control.  I advise staff/officials/etc. not to be one that is passive aggressive with communication, just state what you would like to get across and not convolute the process with having to wade through all of the innuendoes, etc.


The man in my mirror recently asked me “why do you care what some of the others think about your work?” My response was, “I always try to do my best”….he responded “Exactly!!  Do what you have to/required to do, follow/enforce the rules, and let that be what you are known & respected for.  Not everyone is going to like/respect you!  There are those that would like to be where you are, there are those who just don’t like you for your life choices and views and you need to be comfortable enough to deal with that and just be YOU bro!  Your responsibly is to follow God’s plan for you, take care of your family, and all the other stuff will work itself out if/when necessary.”


Again, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.


Thanks again for taking the time out to read this and have a happy holiday season!

Traveling official……a balance between acceptance and utter ignorance!

This time of year for me can be pretty brutal when it comes to traveling.  A lot of people’s dream is to “travel”, and while that is great in some instances, other times it’s a necessary evil to travel so that you can afford to travel….does this make sense?

As an employee, a basketball official, a volleyball/travel volleyball official, and father of a travel volleyball player, traveling during this time of year is almost 2^nd nature.  Not to mention several trips up and down the turnpike to NE Ohio to help out my father, who had a mini stroke this past summer and is doing well, but not fully back to where he was, so as his son, it is my responsibility to travel down to assist with this and that.

Being on the road doing basketball games definitely has its ups and downs.  Being in different gyms on a nightly basis, not seeing the same people saying that same things is quite refreshing for the most part….but then you also are subject to run into those people that are still stuck in their ancient ways, where you are judged by the color of your skin instead of the black & white (erry correlation huh?) stripes on your shirt.  As a professional on and off of the court, I just try to go about my business and let those few childish (insert choice words here…lol) dwell in their insane pool of ignorance!  A recent incident at a school system in my area has pretty much led to a boycott of that district from the majority of black/African American (even quite a few non-black/AA officials).  In this day and time where there is a severe shortage of officials, let’s see how the preponderance of ignorance works out of them. 

Okay, on a lighter note, going to gyms where the staff knows you by name and respects what you
do, it quite refreshing.  I actually look forward to visiting some gyms where you are greeted with a handshake, offer of food/drink and some very interesting tales……, while other gyms, it is strictly a business trip…go in and do your best, and move on to the next one.  

There are those that believe it’s financially rewarding to be an official.  I, like most, definitely don’t do it just for the money, but the financial compensation surely does assist with things such as Travel volleyball for my daughter, a few trips to the outlets….lol, etc. 

If you have ever thought about becoming an official, I encourage you to do so, whatever sport you choose, it’s a way to give back to our youth and communities to ensure that high school sports continue to thrive and provide opportunities for our children.

6 years ago I established and wrote my first blog :-)   I have had a very favorable response to this blog, and even requests that I publish more often.  I thank each and every one of you that take the time to read my thoughts/opinions, and will do my best to continue to provide a quality product.

Happy Holidays!

 ✌🏽&❤️

Definition of a good official?

In basketball, an official (usually called a referee) enforces the rules and maintains order in the game. Basketball is regarded as among the most difficult sports to officiate due to the speed of play, complexity of rules, the case-specific interpretations of rules, and the instantaneous decision required (definition from Wikipedia)

Does a good official need to validate that they are indeed that by tournament appearances?  In my opinion, not at all.  I know really good officials that have yet to officiate a tournament game, and have been officiating for years.  I would work with these officials ANY day of the week. 

I have, and will NEVER let a profession that I have chosen to participate in, define me in any way, shape or form.  Tournament games are NOT the only form of validation that you are a good official.  

If an official goes out, works hard and does their very best each time out, that in itself should be a testament of what type of official they are.  Taking pride in your work, knowing and enforcing the rules equitably, professionalism (on and off the court) and having a strong work ethic is paramount to what I feel makes good officials.

When a hall of fame official (50+ years in the game) is sitting in the front row of a game, and tells the officials that they are doing a great job out there....is that validation or what?

Of course it makes some very proud to be able to say I have officiated state tournament games, etc.  Me.....my pride lies in:

1.       My family, the fact that we are all healthy, kids did/doing very well with their education, and fortunately aren't faced with the challenges of a lot of others;

2.       My career/job and staff where there's a much bigger picture and opportunities to make a difference in the lives of so many on a daily basis;

3.       The fact that my work & work ethic on & off the court is recognized by my peers (hall of famers or not).

Now THAT is what I am comfortable being defined by.

Do I, and have I officiated tournament games? Yes!  Will I do so again this year?  Yes!

As President of my association, I feel the need to publically recognize those really good officials who are not recognized in this manner.  Is the selection process political in nature?  I don't know, but the perception is certainly out there. I believe one of my roles as President of my association, is to represent ALL members of our association, not just those that are selected to participate in the state tournament. 

I am extremely proud of those from my association that are selected, please don't get me wrong, and I congratulate each one both publically and in person.  There is an immense sense of pride when one or more of your association members are representing the assoc. on the biggest stages in Ohio high school basketball...but there is also something special to be said about those that work extremely hard, do a helluva job, be it Varsity, JV & Freshman, Junior High/Middle School, CYO, or any of the number of AAU related tournaments that now exist.  Do all officials work hard....NOPE!  Everyone knows at least one that doesn't....LOL, and it’s sad and hard/frustrating to watch a lazy official.

To those officials that continue to work hard, give back and provide the game with what our main mission/purpose is as officials...... I encourage you to PLEASE keep the faith, continue to work hard, take pride, and give the teams/ schools your best while on the court...they deserve it.   Please do not let a perceived arbitrary process define your impact on the game, and what we as officials bring to the game....it's much bigger than that!!

You ARE making a difference!

Small town Friday nights!

Sporting events in small rural towns in something special to behold.  When the entire community comes out to support, not only the varsity team, but the JV team, now that is some type of special community support.
 

In larger communities, attendance at some of the “bigger” games has the support, but the majority of the games has medium to sparse attendance from what I have witnessed.

 I recently officiated a game in one of the small town/rural communities in NW Ohio.  My usual modus operandi(aka…M.O.) is to arrive at the site/school shortly before 6pm for my 7:30 games, pretty much 1.5 hrs before my scheduled tip off.  On this evening, I arrived at 5:40pm, only to find the entire parking lot was already filled with vehicles…(hmmm wondering if there’s another event taking place simultaneously....concert?  play? what??).

Upon walking into the school, there was a line of about 8-10 people waiting to purchase admission tickets.  I looked around the line into the gym to see one side was already almost completely full (my mind went right to…..did they move the varsity start time up??...lol).  I meet the site administrator, and he begins to walk me to the officials locker room.  Once inside the gym, I see that the other side is almost full also!

Game time arrives….we exit the locker room and enter the court, and the place is PACKED!  Student sections jammed, parents and grandparents in the customary seats, etc, the only thing missing was the pep band….but there was enough noise coming from the respective student sections that it really didn’t matter.

What I really love is that during the game, whether it be during time outs, etc. some fans take the opportunity to tell you that “you guys are doing a great job out there”.  I like to ask one or two of them if they’d like to “trade positions” at least for a quarter…and the answer is ALWAYS a resounding NO Thanks!!  This particular game, there was a group of older gentlemen sitting together ( I imagine they’ve been doing this for years), but one guys says to me(during a time out)… “hey ref, you guys are doing a great job, but the guy down there isn’t happy with you”  I laugh, and reply back….”yeah I know, he thinks I suck and has expressed that to me several times already, but I told him one more time and it’ll suck being outside in the -2 degree weather”.  The gentlemen chuckle and one says, “yeah that would REALLY suck”.
 
Another asked if I’m going to do anything else about it……

Me: Nope, I might blow my whistle REALLY loud right in front of him, but that’s about it!”

The game goes off without any of that type of drama, and turned out to be a really good game!  At one point, the student sections were so loud (chanting back and forth), that any weak whistle (sorry…pet peeve of mine) would not be heard…..lol”

After the game, I shower and get dressed and as I’m walking out of the school, players, parents/grandparents all turn to say, “Thank you, you guys did a really good job out there tonight” and offer me some food for the ride home!   Can’t really ask for anything more!
Support for today’s youth is paramount!  Yes, we live in a generation where the majority of them think that they could never survive 5 min’s without that shackle (aka…phone) in their hands, but communities that come out and show support to these kids are doing them a huge service, even if the majority of them don’t/can’t comprehend it at this stage of their lives.

It’s all about support, and support is something that is increasingly fading away in today’s society.

Keep up the awesome work small town, America!

The
Art of Biting Your Tongue…..

Have you mastered the art of biting your tongue?  Or are you still a work in progress like most of us?  In today’s society, some feel that they can do and say what they please, with no regard for others (and sometimes for themselves).  Hard lessons are on the horizon! J

If you have ever received what you feel is a ridiculous request from someone, let’s say at work, what is your typical response protocol?  Do you offer some sort of resistance, or do you just go with it?

I believe we’ve all seen those Facebook post where someone is typing/texting what they REALLY would like to say/respond with, but ultimately changes it to the politically/professionally correct response.  I have to say, I feel that I have a knack for biting my tongue in most instances, but sometimes I too fall short. J 

It recently took me 6 minutes to respond to an email, because my brain simply REFUSED to let me bite my preverbal tongue for several minutes.  It took a couple of strolls around the office, down the hall, up the stairs, down another hallway, down more stairs and subsequently back to my office before my brain would allow me to type the professional response.  Clicking the mouse button to “send” the response was a struggle in itself!  I believe that my brain and fingers now have some sort of “beef” with each other…LOL  Oh well, they’ll get over it, hopefully before lunch time J.

As an official, especially with basketball, the art of biting your tongue is paramount to being successful in this endeavor.  Being a basketball official, I would have to say there’s really not a more difficult “training ground” to practice this art of restraint and professionalism.   YES, sometimes we all let a remark or two slide off of our tongues, whether intentional or by accident……and if you’re an official and you are claiming that you never have, just STOP that nonsense right now!....LOL 

Okay, back to the art of mastering this thing…….

Dear Mama,

On this day after a heated & nasty election campaign, while others are voicing their opinions verbally and through social media, I am choosing to honor you and your teachings to me.

Only God can truly judge you; don’t believe everything you see on TV, read, or hear from 3^rd/4^th parties; for they may have an agenda that will derail the path that God has set forth for you to follow. I am at work today, choosing not to get involved in any of those debates/conversations, but electing (play on words..lol) to do my job to the best of my ability today, and hoping that you and dad are proud of your son!

You taught me to speak up if I thought I was being wronged, but you also let me know not to be ignorant in going about it.  If someone has wronged you Mark, do your best to forgive them and give them a 2^nd or 3^rd chance if necessary.  If they continue to wrong you, then don’t be a fool, be done with them, pray for them, and move on.  These conversations have gone through my mind in the past few weeks, as this election thing has wound down.  I still hear my father telling me, “they’re all crooks Mark, never trust a politician” and hearing you say that most of them are the wolf in sheep’s clothing, but some of them are genuine and worth listening too. 

 

Anyway enough about that crap, it is what it is, and will be what it will be.  

Nine years ago today, your body left this earth, but your spirit and your legacy within our family lives on.  It lives on through the knowledge & wisdom that your parents & siblings taught you, and you passed that one to my brother and I, and I am doing my very best to pass that on to my two children.  There are times when I will stop to think, “my mother would NOT be happy with me right now” and I subsequently change my path, because that is the way you raised me.  You may not be here for me to call or visit with anymore, but I can still hear your voice, your wisdom, even some of your scolding’s, and that’s proof to me that you are still up there looking out for me.

On this day, for the 4^th time in the 9 years that you have been gone, I have gotten into my vehicle and 2Pac’s Dear Mama has been on the radio!  In the past, I’ve chalked it up to coincidence, but today I could do nothing but breakdown in tears.  I turned my Jeep off and took the necessary time to gather myself before starting it back up and proceeding to make my way to work.  My heart tells me that this was your sign to me that you are truly watching over us. 

I love you, I miss you, and I am so very thankful that God chose you to be my mother, because in tough times I know that I can always depend on my mama!!

Pour out some liquor and I reminisce, cause through the drama
I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus

When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act crazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me…….(2Pac, Dear Mama)

Mentor is defined as:  – 1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.  2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

To me, a mentor is someone who not only helps to guide you through difficulties, but also teaches you the hard lessons of everyday life, while still being flexible & supportive.  Whether it be talks about parents/lack thereof, finances, girlfriends/boyfriends, sports, class schedules, officiating, being in the streets vs. in school, or just what are you are/aren’t doing with your life.

Reflecting back, I sometimes ask myself, “why did this young man/woman choose me as his/her mentor, or how did I all of a sudden become a mentor to this person or that person?  I have seen young men & women arrive on campus, naïve/lost/very immature, and leave truly grown professional adults. There are some that I wasn’t surprised at all that they have become functioning successful career minded adults, just needed a little guidance or some "real talk".  Some, well let’s just say even I had doubts in my ability to help, but God intervened and gave me the tools & wisdom necessary to make it work for those individuals.

For me, and many others, it’s not what you put into the mentor/mentee relationship, it’s the end product…when that individual sees that preverbal light at the end of the tunnel and patterns their respective lives accordingly.  When that knucklehead kid walks into your office for the first time, cocky, full of street smarts and lacking in the academic arena and on the verge of being dismissed from the university…..sends you a text from his new university showing a certificate with his name on the Dean’s List, a pic of him in his graduation robe, and his acceptance into Grad School……having him thank you and giving you credit for him getting there…..THAT is what has made me so very thankful & proud to have served in this capacity to those that were either assigned to me, sought me out on their own, or just happened by circumstance.

It still makes me look around when I hear, “Mr. Brooks” (that was always my dad).  Mark, Mr. Mark, Big OG, Mr. B, Boss/Boss man are more of what I’m used to hearing J.

So to all of those young men & women that I have had the pleasure of working with over the years, I am and will always be very proud of each of you.  Continued success.... and remember when a young man or woman approaches you potentially looking lost/seeking advice, etc. to give back if/when you can, you know it helps!

 

Thank You!

Just Gotta Love It When……

• That person wanting to speed through the school zone is forced to slow down & do less than the posted speed limit
• That self-important person has to admit he/she is wrong in front of the masses
• When that “know it all” person realizes that they really DON’T know it all
• That meeting is cancelled J
• That person keeps saying the same thing over and over in a meeting
• That same person asks a question that was just asked 5 min’s ago
• When someone asks you for a phone number, and you have to take out YOUR phone and look it up
• That co-worker doesn’t do their job, and nobody ever does anything about it
• When that person uses a big word and can’t even tell you what the definition of the word is, and doesn’t use it in the correct context
• When that person posts on social media with all kinds of grammatical errors, and probably doesn’t even know it
• When that hour meeting turns into a THREE hour meeting!
• When that person is always “going live” on social media!
• When you have to work with/ref with someone you don’t like at all

There's really no rhyme or reason to this post (wink), except I'm sure you all have been there :-)


until the next time.....

If I don't push you, I'm cheating you!

I recently read a friends FB post that stated….. “If I don’t push you, I’m cheating you”.  (thanks Dennis Hopson)

 

I immediately hit the like button, as I agree with this in the arena of sports.  I then began to think about it a little deeper (anyone that knows me knew this was coming)…Hmmmm, this not only applies to the sports world, but also to the work environment, and even more so….. parenting!

 

If you happen to be one of those people that automatically gest defensive and salty because your boss/supervisor gives you feedback (hopefully in a professional manner), on how to  do something different/better/correct, then that person refuses to grown professionally in my opinion, and I’ll leave that right there J. #choices

 

As for parenting…there is and will be NO participation trophies in the Brooks household.  #TeamBrooks takes pride in pushing the Brooks girl to do their best in whatever endeavor that they choose to participate in.  Sometimes the pushing is minimal and not required at all…..other times there are stern words (sometimes several…lol), but followed up by positive interactions and explanations of why we are pushing them on this particular subject. 

 

I really feel that it is our duty/expectation as parents to NOT cheat our children in any way….be it sports, school, dance, chores, whatever!  Unfortunately we all see those parents that push, push, and push and never take the time to explain WHY they are pushing.  Some seem to think it’s okay to live vicariously through their children, or to push their children to goals that they may have set for themselves as kids/young adults, but never achieved.

 

Take the time to talk, but more importantly “listen” to your children….see what “their” dreams/aspirations are for themselves….then work with them (pushing them if/when warranted) to hopefully achieve whatever it is.  Very important to remember, it’s okay if they do not happen reach their goal/objective/aspiration, they are still YOUR child…be proud of YOUR child’s attempt(s)..…encourage YOUR child to continue to set goal/objectives…especially if they have failed previously.

 

Anyone that really knows me, knows I thank my parents & brother for pushing me to do well in school, for asking me if I wanted to be just “average” (YEP….I totally hear my parents coming out of my mouth with I talk to my girls..lol)..… for encouraging me to play multiple sports, for putting up with the dribbling of the basketball in the basement for hours on end, for allowing my brother and I to destroy the garage wall for pitching practice (my brother made a strike zone square drawing on our old garage, and pitched so much that he blew holes in the side of the wall…dude could throw!), for the neighborhood friends and families that allowed us to hang out at each other’s houses, play in their yards, discipline/check us when we were wrong or on that path to being wrong.

Again, my blog...my opinions, no intent to call anyone out or offend anyone.  Of course if you are offended.....those that know me know exactly what I'm thinking....LOL

Thanks for taking time to read.....Out!

Thanks to my family!

 

The importance of family with respect to any profession, but speaking purely from an official’s point of view here.

3-4-5 sometimes 6 nights per week away from home….sometimes an hour plus drive one way….sometimes in adverse weather conditions…… a lot of times after working your “real job” for 9+ hours, mentally drained, etc…… sometimes working with individuals that you are okay with…. sometimes with some that you’re not very fond of personally or professionally(more mental fatigue...lol).

 

I say this to say, it takes the entire family for an official to be a respected professional who is successful at his/her craft.  There are times when I am not there to help with homework, to help/cook dinner, to hear about the day at school/work….but come in later in the evening most likely tired from the entire day (not just reffing), yet taking the time to seek out how the day went in school, at work, etc.  My wife has been 100% supportive of my reffing since I started… and even more so since she began to officiate.  My youngest is also very supportive of me being out reffing, more so now than she used to be, and she understands that daddy is out doing something that he loves, that he’s good at and respected for….and it helps to provide her with some of the things that she otherwise might not have been readily available to her (yep spoiled…lol).  My oldest truly understands the impact that my reffing has, as she has ventured into the officiating realm and gotten her license to officiate volleyball, all while completing her first semester of grad school (proud dad moment)!

As I sit here in my office waiting to depart to yet another school, for yet another game…. I reflect on what I am missing out on at home, yet treasure what I am providing at the same time.  My children were, and are being raised to know the importance of a good work ethic, the importance of being professional, punctual and respected by those in and around you. 

My youngest once asked me “daddy, why are you sweating and the other guy isn’t”?....lol  My reply was simply that I was working hard and doing my best to be my best (not sure if she really understood my response…lol).  We always tell her, now that she’s venturing into the athletic arena playing volleyball for the first time……that we don’t expect you to be good, but we expect you to WANT to be good.  If you want to be good, it’ll translate later on into you being good by working and trying hard to do your best each and every time out.

My dad once told me, “I want you to be better than me, and for your kids to be better than you”  That was/is some resounding advice if you really dig deep into it. 

The power of family can permeate for generations with just one simple statement!

 

Thank you to my entire family!

 

Should everybody play?

Is it good enough just to be on a team?  Should everybody get to play at the 7^th/8^th grade or high school level in a competitive school system?

There comes a time when the whole “participation (everyone has to play)” agenda has to, and should go out of the preverbal window!

By me officiating a couple of sports, I often times see the cons of this mind set, especially at lower levels.  Kids (and I’ll use this term to describe the players) enter a game, sometimes with NO concept of what’s going on, or how to effectively play the chosen sport.  I had a situation not long ago where the coaches were deciding whether to play everyone, or try to WIN the game.  Granted this was one of their “rival” schools, so I’m sure both sides wanted to come away with the “W”.  One coach says to the other, “go for it, get a win…we need it”  That’s sports people…as one former NFL coach and now TV personality once said…..”you play to WIN the game”

Definition of Sports - an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature

During the match (volleyball), one of the parents/grandparents gets up and walks to the table to “discuss” why his daughter/granddaughter wasn’t playing….Really dude?  For those of you know about volleyball, it’s a very detailed and sometimes tedious task to keep score, etc. at the table, and you absolutely cannot have someone standing in front of you complaining, let alone blocking your view for a “valid” reason.  I could see the look on the coaches face (he’s keeping score for the team), so I blew my whistle and motioned for the table to ask the gentleman to move away from the table.  He turns around and looks at me and mutters something that I couldn’t decipher (probably a good thing for him…lol), so I wave him away from the table and state verbally “please do not stand in front of the table during the match sir…Thank you”.  He proceeded to go back to his seat, stopping along the way to seek support from other parents I guess.

I understand parents/grandparents wanting to support their children’s athletic endeavors, but also support them by taking some time to take him/her out on the court/field/ice or what have you, and work with him/her so that he/she has a chance to get better and EARN playing time.

When I came up, there was no such thing as this “everybody plays” agenda.  If you weren’t good enough to play, you didn’t play!  Not playing is and has always been the BEST motivation for kids to work harder so that they can play.  I sat behind guys coming up, and that made me want to work harder… get in the weight room, on the court, dribbling the ball at all hours in my basement, shoveling snow from the courts so that we could play in the winter, etc. so that I could deservingly be out there.  Heck, I believe we had close to 20 players on my high school Freshman basketball team, and not one of us “settled” for just getting in the game.  I was fortunate to be one that played, but each one on that team worked hard in practice, and never took for granted that everybody would play just because they were on the team.  Playing football in high school, there were kids that didn’t have a chance to play when we were in 9^th grade, but by working hard, by the time we were seniors, some of them were out there also!

Let’s rethink this mind set and make accountability (for putting in the work) a bigger priority if one chooses to play sports competitively.    Hard work pays off!!

#rantcomplete

We must learn!

We learn how to win.  Everyone learns in different ways, but we all learn how to win.

We must also learn how to LOSE! (especially with dignity).

Nobody and I mean NOBODY wins every time.  Even the most “successful” humans have failed to win at some point or another.  We as a race (I’m talking the human race, not just a specific “race” of people) need to do better at teaching our children that losing is a part of the game..…it’s inevitable, especially with sports.

Which brings me to the crux of the motivation to pen this piece:

I witnessed some of the most absurd, embarrassing and childlike behavior that I’ve EVER experienced as an official…and the behavior had absolutely NOTHING to do with the “children” on the court playing.  The behavior was displayed by a group of so called adults/parents there to watch their “children” play a GAME!!

As an official, I do my very best NOT to take anything on the court personally, but I couldn’t help but to innately feel a slight bit “embarrassed” for some of the kids out on that court.  It’s painful to watch some of those that “look like me”, act as if Ignorance is an expectation when things aren’t going right….. as if them acting a damn fool is going to somehow change the outcome of the contest by making the ball go in the basket, or miraculously teaching the kid how to dribble all of a sudden… because they are in the stands shouting at the top of their (and please forgive me for this) probably weed filled lungs, that the coach “aint this”, “aint that”, put so & so back in the game, etc!!

There are certain stereotypes out there that would lead some to believe, that this type of behavior is “expected” by people that “look like me”.   Let me add that it’s a terrible representation of the 99% of the people that “look like me”, that do not, and REFUSE to perpetrate the stereotype that “we don’t know how to act in public, or better yet.. OUT of the hood”.     When they go/come to their young child’s game high/blunted/whatever (and ON SUNDAY), and makes a scene that embarrasses their child, and who knows how many of the others sitting around them…..  that is  EXACTLY what they are doing……Validating THAT stereotype!!  

So your team is losing, and you want to take your child off of the court during the game and leave??  What is this teaching the child…that when things go wrong, quit and bail out??  Sports at a young age can serve as an excellent metaphor for life, and can teach a child HOW TO LOSE, but yet still be proud of the effort of his/her teammates for giving their best.   It can also serve as the motivation to work harder on the desired craft, to put in the work to get better….JUST like “real life”.   But NO, you want to take your child off the court, give the coaches a piece of your mind because you want YOUR child to play more, and not give two cents about the REAL meaning of the GAME and the spirit of competition.

It’s painfully obvious that some lose the game…..even before the game begins!!

 

Simply.....We must learn!!

 

I miss her....

It’s hard for me to believe that it’s been 7 yrs since my mother left us.  

There are nights when my dreams feel VERY real, and I can hear my mother telling me certain things…just as she did while she was here with us.

-“Mark Alan…you make sure your girls are taken care of, whatever you do”

-“Mark Alan…trust God, he will see always see you through"

- "Mark Alan....let them people think what they want to about you"

- “Mark Alan…you better get your butt outta bed”

It’s amazing that we live our lives learning from our parents, yet sometimes we are oblivious to the teachings!  I vividly remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was 6 yrs old, standing on a chair in the kitchen washing dishes.

 My mother said to me:

“I’m going to teach you how to cook , wash clothes & iron.” 

 I replied to her, “I’m going to get married so I won’t need to know how to do that stuff”.  I think she might have cried from laughing so hard, but managed to tell me “aint no woman going to want to take care of no man that don’t know how to do nothing for himself”.   That has NEVER left my brain!

She commenced to teaching my brother and I how to cook, how to do our own laundry, how to clean the house PROPERLY, how to sew, how to bake (well she taught my brother..I still can’t bake worth a damn…lol) and many other life lessons.

My mother would make sure that I was in church almost every Sunday.  She made sure that I was involved at church (Jr. Usher board, etc).  She made sure to let me know that whatever I was/wasn’t doing at school, “out in the streets as she would say”, that God was a forgiving God and to always keep God first in my heart.

She always made sure to stress the importance of our family.  All of my cousins know this, and most of them were more like brothers and sisters than cousins when we were growing up.

My friends growing up use to think my mother was mean/strict.  I never saw my mother as mean (well most of the time…lol)….. My mother simply kept her son’s in line, out of jail and ALIVE! J

My mother was her mother…and sometimes I feel that I am my mother in a lot of ways.

I realize that I’m all over the place here with my words/thoughts/memories..but there is absolutely no way I could write everything about the person that meant everything to me!  I use to think she was joking when she would tell me “boy, don’t yall come to visit me at my grave, because I won’t be there”.  After she got sick, and her health took a turn for the worst…she whispered to me one day while visiting her…”get right with God please, and don’t come visit my grave cause I aint going to be there” and she smiled and tapped me J.  I knew then that she would soon be with God!

I hope that she’s looking down on me and beaming with pride up there, because I am VERY proud to have called her my mother!

I miss you Mom/Gloria/Toogie!!

Shake em off!   vs.  Shut em down!

During my first volleyball season as an official, I’ve pretty much had to just shake off things as I learned and progressed….but those of you that know me, I did have to Shut Down a couple people (no names). 

 In looking over my upcoming basketball assignments, I will definitely be practicing the art of Shaking off, but don’t let the new/work in progress Mark fool you… if the need presents itself, I will definitely…Shut em down, shut em, shut em down!

A few more instances where this decision may come into play:

Ø  Those that doubt you for whatever reason(s)…..Shake em off!

Ø  Those that ask you to help them out, then they don’t follow through….Shake em off!

Ø  Those same people ask you to help them out again….Shut em down!

Ø  Referees that come off as know it all’s…..Shake em off!

Ø  Those same referees that try to tell you how to do your job, when they have issues themselves..…..Shut em down!

Ø  Those that look at you funny, because your family elects to holds hands while praying in a public restaurant …..Shake em off!

Ø  Those that assume you “have money” because you know how to handle your business/finances…….Shake em off!

Ø  Those that want to give you grief/hate on you for being where you’re at….Shut em down!

Ø  Phony people…..try to Shake em off, but sometimes ya just gotta Shut em down!

Ø  Those that can’t/don’t understand that you don’t/refuse to dress as they do….Shake em off!

Enough already....

With all of the media coverage in regards to public figures disciplining children, etc... whether you believe in it or not, it’s your personal preference/decision.  I do not condone, nor do I pass judgment on how one chooses to raise their children……It is my expressed opinion that only God can judge, and I am nowhere remotely even close!!

I do thank my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins and especially my brother for either whopping or kicking my tail back in the day.  To this day, some of the behaviors displayed by me to elicit the chosen form of discipline administered has NEVER occurred again…..I can honestly say that I learned from them in more than one way.  A good @$$ whoppin went a LONG way!!

 

Anyone reading this that has ever heard my grandmother Emily (or one of her many brothers and sisters) say in THAT voice, at the house on Mahoning Ave. in New Castle….”go out back and bring me a switch…and don’t come back with a little one either” knows exactly where I am coming from here!  Unfortunately for us, there were an abundance of readily available options when it came to switches….lol (yep I can laugh about it now).  I remember one of us, not saying any names, tried the “coming back with a little switch”, and what a mistake that was….lol   That would mean you got it with the little switch, AND the bigger one that they had to go get for themselves…double jeopardy so to speak!!...lol

I love all of my cousins and family that shared the good times, and some not so good times at that house, and all of the other locations in Western PA.  I can honestly say that amidst all of the fights, arguments, games and laughter…. I don’t think there is one of us that did not get “a whoppin” in or around that house…it was just how we were raised. … You know, I think we ALL turned out just fine!  J  love yall!

The media/society loves to sensationalize those in the public eye, for lack of more meaningful “news”, but that’s our culture, and it is what it is I guess.

 

 A longtime friend posted on his FB asking the question….” how many in your family would be locked up for "child abuse" in 2014…. I’ll let my family formulate their own response for themselves…..but my percentage estimate would be triple digits though….LOL

Again, I am not here condoning what certain individuals do or don’t do with their children, spouses, etc…that’s really none of my business or concern…but one cannot tell me that there are not more important things/issues out there that can and should take the place of the “hot topic/bandwagon/flavor of the week” crap that is plastered everywhere you look!

 Putting the soap box back in its place…and Dropping the Mic!

Change is.....

As the calendar changes, so begins the season of change weather wise (hopefully).  Gone will be the hot, humid and sometimes unbearable days of summer…and the change will usher in the cooler, crisp autumn/fall  weather.  Hoody’s, jackets and long sleeved shirts will replace the shorts and t-shirts (for most of us anyway…but there’s always a few).  I, for one, am so looking forward to the change.  The ability to sit out on my deck with a fire going, sleeping with the windows open and giving the A/C unit a well-deserved break, and just embracing everything that mother nature has to offer during my favorite of the four seasons, all while continuing my work in progress  journey of becoming the “ better me”.

Another form of change will take place in the transition from officiating volleyball to basketball.  I recently acquired my OHSAA certification to officiate volleyball, and I have been busy blowing the whistle ever since.  I’ve never played volleyball, thus I was a bit hesitant to take the officiating class…but it turned out to be a really good move on my part (thanks Kristin Brooks for encouraging me to get my licenseJ). 

Comparatively speaking, the games/matches are so different from basketball.  Coaches really aren’t permitted to say anything to you as an official (BIG change from basketball…lol), the players are generally more respectful of their game and teams, and some would point blank say it’s easy money!  There are no technical fouls (yellow or red cards are used to “quiet” those that may happen to get out of line).

Analogically speaking, one could compare basketball to summer, and volleyball to autumn/fall.  Why you might ask? Summer can be extremely hot, sometimes causing people to “act a fool” or like they don’t have any sense (I guess that is basically the same huh?...lol). Summer requires the majority of us to shower frequently….those that don’t can be “identified” rather easily (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying here…)….same goes for on the basketball court.  Periodically there’s someone out there that one would just LOVE to say “Foul (literally..lol)….Why ref??  “Because you need a shower!!”…..LOL
 
 Volleyball, players very rarely, if at all, say anything to or gesture towards you as an official.  The coaches and 99% of the fans are always polite and calm, similar to the typical autumn/fall days and evenings.

 So as we continue to evolve as individuals:

-Change is good
-Change is inevitable
-Change is constant

Whatever change is taking place ….make sure to embrace and take advantage of the changes that life presents you!