Thanks to my family!

 

The importance of family with respect to any profession, but speaking purely from an official’s point of view here.

3-4-5 sometimes 6 nights per week away from home….sometimes an hour plus drive one way….sometimes in adverse weather conditions…… a lot of times after working your “real job” for 9+ hours, mentally drained, etc…… sometimes working with individuals that you are okay with…. sometimes with some that you’re not very fond of personally or professionally(more mental fatigue...lol).

 

I say this to say, it takes the entire family for an official to be a respected professional who is successful at his/her craft.  There are times when I am not there to help with homework, to help/cook dinner, to hear about the day at school/work….but come in later in the evening most likely tired from the entire day (not just reffing), yet taking the time to seek out how the day went in school, at work, etc.  My wife has been 100% supportive of my reffing since I started… and even more so since she began to officiate.  My youngest is also very supportive of me being out reffing, more so now than she used to be, and she understands that daddy is out doing something that he loves, that he’s good at and respected for….and it helps to provide her with some of the things that she otherwise might not have been readily available to her (yep spoiled…lol).  My oldest truly understands the impact that my reffing has, as she has ventured into the officiating realm and gotten her license to officiate volleyball, all while completing her first semester of grad school (proud dad moment)!

As I sit here in my office waiting to depart to yet another school, for yet another game…. I reflect on what I am missing out on at home, yet treasure what I am providing at the same time.  My children were, and are being raised to know the importance of a good work ethic, the importance of being professional, punctual and respected by those in and around you. 

My youngest once asked me “daddy, why are you sweating and the other guy isn’t”?....lol  My reply was simply that I was working hard and doing my best to be my best (not sure if she really understood my response…lol).  We always tell her, now that she’s venturing into the athletic arena playing volleyball for the first time……that we don’t expect you to be good, but we expect you to WANT to be good.  If you want to be good, it’ll translate later on into you being good by working and trying hard to do your best each and every time out.

My dad once told me, “I want you to be better than me, and for your kids to be better than you”  That was/is some resounding advice if you really dig deep into it. 

The power of family can permeate for generations with just one simple statement!

 

Thank you to my entire family!

 

Should everybody play?

Is it good enough just to be on a team?  Should everybody get to play at the 7^th/8^th grade or high school level in a competitive school system?

There comes a time when the whole “participation (everyone has to play)” agenda has to, and should go out of the preverbal window!

By me officiating a couple of sports, I often times see the cons of this mind set, especially at lower levels.  Kids (and I’ll use this term to describe the players) enter a game, sometimes with NO concept of what’s going on, or how to effectively play the chosen sport.  I had a situation not long ago where the coaches were deciding whether to play everyone, or try to WIN the game.  Granted this was one of their “rival” schools, so I’m sure both sides wanted to come away with the “W”.  One coach says to the other, “go for it, get a win…we need it”  That’s sports people…as one former NFL coach and now TV personality once said…..”you play to WIN the game”

Definition of Sports - an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature

During the match (volleyball), one of the parents/grandparents gets up and walks to the table to “discuss” why his daughter/granddaughter wasn’t playing….Really dude?  For those of you know about volleyball, it’s a very detailed and sometimes tedious task to keep score, etc. at the table, and you absolutely cannot have someone standing in front of you complaining, let alone blocking your view for a “valid” reason.  I could see the look on the coaches face (he’s keeping score for the team), so I blew my whistle and motioned for the table to ask the gentleman to move away from the table.  He turns around and looks at me and mutters something that I couldn’t decipher (probably a good thing for him…lol), so I wave him away from the table and state verbally “please do not stand in front of the table during the match sir…Thank you”.  He proceeded to go back to his seat, stopping along the way to seek support from other parents I guess.

I understand parents/grandparents wanting to support their children’s athletic endeavors, but also support them by taking some time to take him/her out on the court/field/ice or what have you, and work with him/her so that he/she has a chance to get better and EARN playing time.

When I came up, there was no such thing as this “everybody plays” agenda.  If you weren’t good enough to play, you didn’t play!  Not playing is and has always been the BEST motivation for kids to work harder so that they can play.  I sat behind guys coming up, and that made me want to work harder… get in the weight room, on the court, dribbling the ball at all hours in my basement, shoveling snow from the courts so that we could play in the winter, etc. so that I could deservingly be out there.  Heck, I believe we had close to 20 players on my high school Freshman basketball team, and not one of us “settled” for just getting in the game.  I was fortunate to be one that played, but each one on that team worked hard in practice, and never took for granted that everybody would play just because they were on the team.  Playing football in high school, there were kids that didn’t have a chance to play when we were in 9^th grade, but by working hard, by the time we were seniors, some of them were out there also!

Let’s rethink this mind set and make accountability (for putting in the work) a bigger priority if one chooses to play sports competitively.    Hard work pays off!!

#rantcomplete

We must learn!

We learn how to win.  Everyone learns in different ways, but we all learn how to win.

We must also learn how to LOSE! (especially with dignity).

Nobody and I mean NOBODY wins every time.  Even the most “successful” humans have failed to win at some point or another.  We as a race (I’m talking the human race, not just a specific “race” of people) need to do better at teaching our children that losing is a part of the game..…it’s inevitable, especially with sports.

Which brings me to the crux of the motivation to pen this piece:

I witnessed some of the most absurd, embarrassing and childlike behavior that I’ve EVER experienced as an official…and the behavior had absolutely NOTHING to do with the “children” on the court playing.  The behavior was displayed by a group of so called adults/parents there to watch their “children” play a GAME!!

As an official, I do my very best NOT to take anything on the court personally, but I couldn’t help but to innately feel a slight bit “embarrassed” for some of the kids out on that court.  It’s painful to watch some of those that “look like me”, act as if Ignorance is an expectation when things aren’t going right….. as if them acting a damn fool is going to somehow change the outcome of the contest by making the ball go in the basket, or miraculously teaching the kid how to dribble all of a sudden… because they are in the stands shouting at the top of their (and please forgive me for this) probably weed filled lungs, that the coach “aint this”, “aint that”, put so & so back in the game, etc!!

There are certain stereotypes out there that would lead some to believe, that this type of behavior is “expected” by people that “look like me”.   Let me add that it’s a terrible representation of the 99% of the people that “look like me”, that do not, and REFUSE to perpetrate the stereotype that “we don’t know how to act in public, or better yet.. OUT of the hood”.     When they go/come to their young child’s game high/blunted/whatever (and ON SUNDAY), and makes a scene that embarrasses their child, and who knows how many of the others sitting around them…..  that is  EXACTLY what they are doing……Validating THAT stereotype!!  

So your team is losing, and you want to take your child off of the court during the game and leave??  What is this teaching the child…that when things go wrong, quit and bail out??  Sports at a young age can serve as an excellent metaphor for life, and can teach a child HOW TO LOSE, but yet still be proud of the effort of his/her teammates for giving their best.   It can also serve as the motivation to work harder on the desired craft, to put in the work to get better….JUST like “real life”.   But NO, you want to take your child off the court, give the coaches a piece of your mind because you want YOUR child to play more, and not give two cents about the REAL meaning of the GAME and the spirit of competition.

It’s painfully obvious that some lose the game…..even before the game begins!!

 

Simply.....We must learn!!

 

I miss her....

It’s hard for me to believe that it’s been 7 yrs since my mother left us.  

There are nights when my dreams feel VERY real, and I can hear my mother telling me certain things…just as she did while she was here with us.

-“Mark Alan…you make sure your girls are taken care of, whatever you do”

-“Mark Alan…trust God, he will see always see you through"

- "Mark Alan....let them people think what they want to about you"

- “Mark Alan…you better get your butt outta bed”

It’s amazing that we live our lives learning from our parents, yet sometimes we are oblivious to the teachings!  I vividly remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was 6 yrs old, standing on a chair in the kitchen washing dishes.

 My mother said to me:

“I’m going to teach you how to cook , wash clothes & iron.” 

 I replied to her, “I’m going to get married so I won’t need to know how to do that stuff”.  I think she might have cried from laughing so hard, but managed to tell me “aint no woman going to want to take care of no man that don’t know how to do nothing for himself”.   That has NEVER left my brain!

She commenced to teaching my brother and I how to cook, how to do our own laundry, how to clean the house PROPERLY, how to sew, how to bake (well she taught my brother..I still can’t bake worth a damn…lol) and many other life lessons.

My mother would make sure that I was in church almost every Sunday.  She made sure that I was involved at church (Jr. Usher board, etc).  She made sure to let me know that whatever I was/wasn’t doing at school, “out in the streets as she would say”, that God was a forgiving God and to always keep God first in my heart.

She always made sure to stress the importance of our family.  All of my cousins know this, and most of them were more like brothers and sisters than cousins when we were growing up.

My friends growing up use to think my mother was mean/strict.  I never saw my mother as mean (well most of the time…lol)….. My mother simply kept her son’s in line, out of jail and ALIVE! J

My mother was her mother…and sometimes I feel that I am my mother in a lot of ways.

I realize that I’m all over the place here with my words/thoughts/memories..but there is absolutely no way I could write everything about the person that meant everything to me!  I use to think she was joking when she would tell me “boy, don’t yall come to visit me at my grave, because I won’t be there”.  After she got sick, and her health took a turn for the worst…she whispered to me one day while visiting her…”get right with God please, and don’t come visit my grave cause I aint going to be there” and she smiled and tapped me J.  I knew then that she would soon be with God!

I hope that she’s looking down on me and beaming with pride up there, because I am VERY proud to have called her my mother!

I miss you Mom/Gloria/Toogie!!

Shake em off!   vs.  Shut em down!

During my first volleyball season as an official, I’ve pretty much had to just shake off things as I learned and progressed….but those of you that know me, I did have to Shut Down a couple people (no names). 

 In looking over my upcoming basketball assignments, I will definitely be practicing the art of Shaking off, but don’t let the new/work in progress Mark fool you… if the need presents itself, I will definitely…Shut em down, shut em, shut em down!

A few more instances where this decision may come into play:

Ø  Those that doubt you for whatever reason(s)…..Shake em off!

Ø  Those that ask you to help them out, then they don’t follow through….Shake em off!

Ø  Those same people ask you to help them out again….Shut em down!

Ø  Referees that come off as know it all’s…..Shake em off!

Ø  Those same referees that try to tell you how to do your job, when they have issues themselves..…..Shut em down!

Ø  Those that look at you funny, because your family elects to holds hands while praying in a public restaurant …..Shake em off!

Ø  Those that assume you “have money” because you know how to handle your business/finances…….Shake em off!

Ø  Those that want to give you grief/hate on you for being where you’re at….Shut em down!

Ø  Phony people…..try to Shake em off, but sometimes ya just gotta Shut em down!

Ø  Those that can’t/don’t understand that you don’t/refuse to dress as they do….Shake em off!

Enough already....

With all of the media coverage in regards to public figures disciplining children, etc... whether you believe in it or not, it’s your personal preference/decision.  I do not condone, nor do I pass judgment on how one chooses to raise their children……It is my expressed opinion that only God can judge, and I am nowhere remotely even close!!

I do thank my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins and especially my brother for either whopping or kicking my tail back in the day.  To this day, some of the behaviors displayed by me to elicit the chosen form of discipline administered has NEVER occurred again…..I can honestly say that I learned from them in more than one way.  A good @$$ whoppin went a LONG way!!

 

Anyone reading this that has ever heard my grandmother Emily (or one of her many brothers and sisters) say in THAT voice, at the house on Mahoning Ave. in New Castle….”go out back and bring me a switch…and don’t come back with a little one either” knows exactly where I am coming from here!  Unfortunately for us, there were an abundance of readily available options when it came to switches….lol (yep I can laugh about it now).  I remember one of us, not saying any names, tried the “coming back with a little switch”, and what a mistake that was….lol   That would mean you got it with the little switch, AND the bigger one that they had to go get for themselves…double jeopardy so to speak!!...lol

I love all of my cousins and family that shared the good times, and some not so good times at that house, and all of the other locations in Western PA.  I can honestly say that amidst all of the fights, arguments, games and laughter…. I don’t think there is one of us that did not get “a whoppin” in or around that house…it was just how we were raised. … You know, I think we ALL turned out just fine!  J  love yall!

The media/society loves to sensationalize those in the public eye, for lack of more meaningful “news”, but that’s our culture, and it is what it is I guess.

 

 A longtime friend posted on his FB asking the question….” how many in your family would be locked up for "child abuse" in 2014…. I’ll let my family formulate their own response for themselves…..but my percentage estimate would be triple digits though….LOL

Again, I am not here condoning what certain individuals do or don’t do with their children, spouses, etc…that’s really none of my business or concern…but one cannot tell me that there are not more important things/issues out there that can and should take the place of the “hot topic/bandwagon/flavor of the week” crap that is plastered everywhere you look!

 Putting the soap box back in its place…and Dropping the Mic!

Change is.....

As the calendar changes, so begins the season of change weather wise (hopefully).  Gone will be the hot, humid and sometimes unbearable days of summer…and the change will usher in the cooler, crisp autumn/fall  weather.  Hoody’s, jackets and long sleeved shirts will replace the shorts and t-shirts (for most of us anyway…but there’s always a few).  I, for one, am so looking forward to the change.  The ability to sit out on my deck with a fire going, sleeping with the windows open and giving the A/C unit a well-deserved break, and just embracing everything that mother nature has to offer during my favorite of the four seasons, all while continuing my work in progress  journey of becoming the “ better me”.

Another form of change will take place in the transition from officiating volleyball to basketball.  I recently acquired my OHSAA certification to officiate volleyball, and I have been busy blowing the whistle ever since.  I’ve never played volleyball, thus I was a bit hesitant to take the officiating class…but it turned out to be a really good move on my part (thanks Kristin Brooks for encouraging me to get my licenseJ). 

Comparatively speaking, the games/matches are so different from basketball.  Coaches really aren’t permitted to say anything to you as an official (BIG change from basketball…lol), the players are generally more respectful of their game and teams, and some would point blank say it’s easy money!  There are no technical fouls (yellow or red cards are used to “quiet” those that may happen to get out of line).

Analogically speaking, one could compare basketball to summer, and volleyball to autumn/fall.  Why you might ask? Summer can be extremely hot, sometimes causing people to “act a fool” or like they don’t have any sense (I guess that is basically the same huh?...lol). Summer requires the majority of us to shower frequently….those that don’t can be “identified” rather easily (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying here…)….same goes for on the basketball court.  Periodically there’s someone out there that one would just LOVE to say “Foul (literally..lol)….Why ref??  “Because you need a shower!!”…..LOL
 
 Volleyball, players very rarely, if at all, say anything to or gesture towards you as an official.  The coaches and 99% of the fans are always polite and calm, similar to the typical autumn/fall days and evenings.

 So as we continue to evolve as individuals:

-Change is good
-Change is inevitable
-Change is constant

Whatever change is taking place ….make sure to embrace and take advantage of the changes that life presents you!