Thanks to my family!

 

The importance of family with respect to any profession, but speaking purely from an official’s point of view here.

3-4-5 sometimes 6 nights per week away from home….sometimes an hour plus drive one way….sometimes in adverse weather conditions…… a lot of times after working your “real job” for 9+ hours, mentally drained, etc…… sometimes working with individuals that you are okay with…. sometimes with some that you’re not very fond of personally or professionally(more mental fatigue...lol).

 

I say this to say, it takes the entire family for an official to be a respected professional who is successful at his/her craft.  There are times when I am not there to help with homework, to help/cook dinner, to hear about the day at school/work….but come in later in the evening most likely tired from the entire day (not just reffing), yet taking the time to seek out how the day went in school, at work, etc.  My wife has been 100% supportive of my reffing since I started… and even more so since she began to officiate.  My youngest is also very supportive of me being out reffing, more so now than she used to be, and she understands that daddy is out doing something that he loves, that he’s good at and respected for….and it helps to provide her with some of the things that she otherwise might not have been readily available to her (yep spoiled…lol).  My oldest truly understands the impact that my reffing has, as she has ventured into the officiating realm and gotten her license to officiate volleyball, all while completing her first semester of grad school (proud dad moment)!

As I sit here in my office waiting to depart to yet another school, for yet another game…. I reflect on what I am missing out on at home, yet treasure what I am providing at the same time.  My children were, and are being raised to know the importance of a good work ethic, the importance of being professional, punctual and respected by those in and around you. 

My youngest once asked me “daddy, why are you sweating and the other guy isn’t”?....lol  My reply was simply that I was working hard and doing my best to be my best (not sure if she really understood my response…lol).  We always tell her, now that she’s venturing into the athletic arena playing volleyball for the first time……that we don’t expect you to be good, but we expect you to WANT to be good.  If you want to be good, it’ll translate later on into you being good by working and trying hard to do your best each and every time out.

My dad once told me, “I want you to be better than me, and for your kids to be better than you”  That was/is some resounding advice if you really dig deep into it. 

The power of family can permeate for generations with just one simple statement!

 

Thank you to my entire family!

 

Should everybody play?

Is it good enough just to be on a team?  Should everybody get to play at the 7^th/8^th grade or high school level in a competitive school system?

There comes a time when the whole “participation (everyone has to play)” agenda has to, and should go out of the preverbal window!

By me officiating a couple of sports, I often times see the cons of this mind set, especially at lower levels.  Kids (and I’ll use this term to describe the players) enter a game, sometimes with NO concept of what’s going on, or how to effectively play the chosen sport.  I had a situation not long ago where the coaches were deciding whether to play everyone, or try to WIN the game.  Granted this was one of their “rival” schools, so I’m sure both sides wanted to come away with the “W”.  One coach says to the other, “go for it, get a win…we need it”  That’s sports people…as one former NFL coach and now TV personality once said…..”you play to WIN the game”

Definition of Sports - an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature

During the match (volleyball), one of the parents/grandparents gets up and walks to the table to “discuss” why his daughter/granddaughter wasn’t playing….Really dude?  For those of you know about volleyball, it’s a very detailed and sometimes tedious task to keep score, etc. at the table, and you absolutely cannot have someone standing in front of you complaining, let alone blocking your view for a “valid” reason.  I could see the look on the coaches face (he’s keeping score for the team), so I blew my whistle and motioned for the table to ask the gentleman to move away from the table.  He turns around and looks at me and mutters something that I couldn’t decipher (probably a good thing for him…lol), so I wave him away from the table and state verbally “please do not stand in front of the table during the match sir…Thank you”.  He proceeded to go back to his seat, stopping along the way to seek support from other parents I guess.

I understand parents/grandparents wanting to support their children’s athletic endeavors, but also support them by taking some time to take him/her out on the court/field/ice or what have you, and work with him/her so that he/she has a chance to get better and EARN playing time.

When I came up, there was no such thing as this “everybody plays” agenda.  If you weren’t good enough to play, you didn’t play!  Not playing is and has always been the BEST motivation for kids to work harder so that they can play.  I sat behind guys coming up, and that made me want to work harder… get in the weight room, on the court, dribbling the ball at all hours in my basement, shoveling snow from the courts so that we could play in the winter, etc. so that I could deservingly be out there.  Heck, I believe we had close to 20 players on my high school Freshman basketball team, and not one of us “settled” for just getting in the game.  I was fortunate to be one that played, but each one on that team worked hard in practice, and never took for granted that everybody would play just because they were on the team.  Playing football in high school, there were kids that didn’t have a chance to play when we were in 9^th grade, but by working hard, by the time we were seniors, some of them were out there also!

Let’s rethink this mind set and make accountability (for putting in the work) a bigger priority if one chooses to play sports competitively.    Hard work pays off!!

#rantcomplete

We must learn!

We learn how to win.  Everyone learns in different ways, but we all learn how to win.

We must also learn how to LOSE! (especially with dignity).

Nobody and I mean NOBODY wins every time.  Even the most “successful” humans have failed to win at some point or another.  We as a race (I’m talking the human race, not just a specific “race” of people) need to do better at teaching our children that losing is a part of the game..…it’s inevitable, especially with sports.

Which brings me to the crux of the motivation to pen this piece:

I witnessed some of the most absurd, embarrassing and childlike behavior that I’ve EVER experienced as an official…and the behavior had absolutely NOTHING to do with the “children” on the court playing.  The behavior was displayed by a group of so called adults/parents there to watch their “children” play a GAME!!

As an official, I do my very best NOT to take anything on the court personally, but I couldn’t help but to innately feel a slight bit “embarrassed” for some of the kids out on that court.  It’s painful to watch some of those that “look like me”, act as if Ignorance is an expectation when things aren’t going right….. as if them acting a damn fool is going to somehow change the outcome of the contest by making the ball go in the basket, or miraculously teaching the kid how to dribble all of a sudden… because they are in the stands shouting at the top of their (and please forgive me for this) probably weed filled lungs, that the coach “aint this”, “aint that”, put so & so back in the game, etc!!

There are certain stereotypes out there that would lead some to believe, that this type of behavior is “expected” by people that “look like me”.   Let me add that it’s a terrible representation of the 99% of the people that “look like me”, that do not, and REFUSE to perpetrate the stereotype that “we don’t know how to act in public, or better yet.. OUT of the hood”.     When they go/come to their young child’s game high/blunted/whatever (and ON SUNDAY), and makes a scene that embarrasses their child, and who knows how many of the others sitting around them…..  that is  EXACTLY what they are doing……Validating THAT stereotype!!  

So your team is losing, and you want to take your child off of the court during the game and leave??  What is this teaching the child…that when things go wrong, quit and bail out??  Sports at a young age can serve as an excellent metaphor for life, and can teach a child HOW TO LOSE, but yet still be proud of the effort of his/her teammates for giving their best.   It can also serve as the motivation to work harder on the desired craft, to put in the work to get better….JUST like “real life”.   But NO, you want to take your child off the court, give the coaches a piece of your mind because you want YOUR child to play more, and not give two cents about the REAL meaning of the GAME and the spirit of competition.

It’s painfully obvious that some lose the game…..even before the game begins!!

 

Simply.....We must learn!!