The
Art of Biting Your Tongue…..

Have you mastered the art of biting your tongue?  Or are you still a work in progress like most of us?  In today’s society, some feel that they can do and say what they please, with no regard for others (and sometimes for themselves).  Hard lessons are on the horizon! J

If you have ever received what you feel is a ridiculous request from someone, let’s say at work, what is your typical response protocol?  Do you offer some sort of resistance, or do you just go with it?

I believe we’ve all seen those Facebook post where someone is typing/texting what they REALLY would like to say/respond with, but ultimately changes it to the politically/professionally correct response.  I have to say, I feel that I have a knack for biting my tongue in most instances, but sometimes I too fall short. J 

It recently took me 6 minutes to respond to an email, because my brain simply REFUSED to let me bite my preverbal tongue for several minutes.  It took a couple of strolls around the office, down the hall, up the stairs, down another hallway, down more stairs and subsequently back to my office before my brain would allow me to type the professional response.  Clicking the mouse button to “send” the response was a struggle in itself!  I believe that my brain and fingers now have some sort of “beef” with each other…LOL  Oh well, they’ll get over it, hopefully before lunch time J.

As an official, especially with basketball, the art of biting your tongue is paramount to being successful in this endeavor.  Being a basketball official, I would have to say there’s really not a more difficult “training ground” to practice this art of restraint and professionalism.   YES, sometimes we all let a remark or two slide off of our tongues, whether intentional or by accident……and if you’re an official and you are claiming that you never have, just STOP that nonsense right now!....LOL 

Okay, back to the art of mastering this thing…….

Dear Mama,

On this day after a heated & nasty election campaign, while others are voicing their opinions verbally and through social media, I am choosing to honor you and your teachings to me.

Only God can truly judge you; don’t believe everything you see on TV, read, or hear from 3^rd/4^th parties; for they may have an agenda that will derail the path that God has set forth for you to follow. I am at work today, choosing not to get involved in any of those debates/conversations, but electing (play on words..lol) to do my job to the best of my ability today, and hoping that you and dad are proud of your son!

You taught me to speak up if I thought I was being wronged, but you also let me know not to be ignorant in going about it.  If someone has wronged you Mark, do your best to forgive them and give them a 2^nd or 3^rd chance if necessary.  If they continue to wrong you, then don’t be a fool, be done with them, pray for them, and move on.  These conversations have gone through my mind in the past few weeks, as this election thing has wound down.  I still hear my father telling me, “they’re all crooks Mark, never trust a politician” and hearing you say that most of them are the wolf in sheep’s clothing, but some of them are genuine and worth listening too. 

 

Anyway enough about that crap, it is what it is, and will be what it will be.  

Nine years ago today, your body left this earth, but your spirit and your legacy within our family lives on.  It lives on through the knowledge & wisdom that your parents & siblings taught you, and you passed that one to my brother and I, and I am doing my very best to pass that on to my two children.  There are times when I will stop to think, “my mother would NOT be happy with me right now” and I subsequently change my path, because that is the way you raised me.  You may not be here for me to call or visit with anymore, but I can still hear your voice, your wisdom, even some of your scolding’s, and that’s proof to me that you are still up there looking out for me.

On this day, for the 4^th time in the 9 years that you have been gone, I have gotten into my vehicle and 2Pac’s Dear Mama has been on the radio!  In the past, I’ve chalked it up to coincidence, but today I could do nothing but breakdown in tears.  I turned my Jeep off and took the necessary time to gather myself before starting it back up and proceeding to make my way to work.  My heart tells me that this was your sign to me that you are truly watching over us. 

I love you, I miss you, and I am so very thankful that God chose you to be my mother, because in tough times I know that I can always depend on my mama!!

Pour out some liquor and I reminisce, cause through the drama
I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus

When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act crazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me…….(2Pac, Dear Mama)

Mentor is defined as:  – 1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.  2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

To me, a mentor is someone who not only helps to guide you through difficulties, but also teaches you the hard lessons of everyday life, while still being flexible & supportive.  Whether it be talks about parents/lack thereof, finances, girlfriends/boyfriends, sports, class schedules, officiating, being in the streets vs. in school, or just what are you are/aren’t doing with your life.

Reflecting back, I sometimes ask myself, “why did this young man/woman choose me as his/her mentor, or how did I all of a sudden become a mentor to this person or that person?  I have seen young men & women arrive on campus, naïve/lost/very immature, and leave truly grown professional adults. There are some that I wasn’t surprised at all that they have become functioning successful career minded adults, just needed a little guidance or some "real talk".  Some, well let’s just say even I had doubts in my ability to help, but God intervened and gave me the tools & wisdom necessary to make it work for those individuals.

For me, and many others, it’s not what you put into the mentor/mentee relationship, it’s the end product…when that individual sees that preverbal light at the end of the tunnel and patterns their respective lives accordingly.  When that knucklehead kid walks into your office for the first time, cocky, full of street smarts and lacking in the academic arena and on the verge of being dismissed from the university…..sends you a text from his new university showing a certificate with his name on the Dean’s List, a pic of him in his graduation robe, and his acceptance into Grad School……having him thank you and giving you credit for him getting there…..THAT is what has made me so very thankful & proud to have served in this capacity to those that were either assigned to me, sought me out on their own, or just happened by circumstance.

It still makes me look around when I hear, “Mr. Brooks” (that was always my dad).  Mark, Mr. Mark, Big OG, Mr. B, Boss/Boss man are more of what I’m used to hearing J.

So to all of those young men & women that I have had the pleasure of working with over the years, I am and will always be very proud of each of you.  Continued success.... and remember when a young man or woman approaches you potentially looking lost/seeking advice, etc. to give back if/when you can, you know it helps!

 

Thank You!

Just Gotta Love It When……

• That person wanting to speed through the school zone is forced to slow down & do less than the posted speed limit
• That self-important person has to admit he/she is wrong in front of the masses
• When that “know it all” person realizes that they really DON’T know it all
• That meeting is cancelled J
• That person keeps saying the same thing over and over in a meeting
• That same person asks a question that was just asked 5 min’s ago
• When someone asks you for a phone number, and you have to take out YOUR phone and look it up
• That co-worker doesn’t do their job, and nobody ever does anything about it
• When that person uses a big word and can’t even tell you what the definition of the word is, and doesn’t use it in the correct context
• When that person posts on social media with all kinds of grammatical errors, and probably doesn’t even know it
• When that hour meeting turns into a THREE hour meeting!
• When that person is always “going live” on social media!
• When you have to work with/ref with someone you don’t like at all

There's really no rhyme or reason to this post (wink), except I'm sure you all have been there :-)


until the next time.....

If I don't push you, I'm cheating you!

I recently read a friends FB post that stated….. “If I don’t push you, I’m cheating you”.  (thanks Dennis Hopson)

 

I immediately hit the like button, as I agree with this in the arena of sports.  I then began to think about it a little deeper (anyone that knows me knew this was coming)…Hmmmm, this not only applies to the sports world, but also to the work environment, and even more so….. parenting!

 

If you happen to be one of those people that automatically gest defensive and salty because your boss/supervisor gives you feedback (hopefully in a professional manner), on how to  do something different/better/correct, then that person refuses to grown professionally in my opinion, and I’ll leave that right there J. #choices

 

As for parenting…there is and will be NO participation trophies in the Brooks household.  #TeamBrooks takes pride in pushing the Brooks girl to do their best in whatever endeavor that they choose to participate in.  Sometimes the pushing is minimal and not required at all…..other times there are stern words (sometimes several…lol), but followed up by positive interactions and explanations of why we are pushing them on this particular subject. 

 

I really feel that it is our duty/expectation as parents to NOT cheat our children in any way….be it sports, school, dance, chores, whatever!  Unfortunately we all see those parents that push, push, and push and never take the time to explain WHY they are pushing.  Some seem to think it’s okay to live vicariously through their children, or to push their children to goals that they may have set for themselves as kids/young adults, but never achieved.

 

Take the time to talk, but more importantly “listen” to your children….see what “their” dreams/aspirations are for themselves….then work with them (pushing them if/when warranted) to hopefully achieve whatever it is.  Very important to remember, it’s okay if they do not happen reach their goal/objective/aspiration, they are still YOUR child…be proud of YOUR child’s attempt(s)..…encourage YOUR child to continue to set goal/objectives…especially if they have failed previously.

 

Anyone that really knows me, knows I thank my parents & brother for pushing me to do well in school, for asking me if I wanted to be just “average” (YEP….I totally hear my parents coming out of my mouth with I talk to my girls..lol)..… for encouraging me to play multiple sports, for putting up with the dribbling of the basketball in the basement for hours on end, for allowing my brother and I to destroy the garage wall for pitching practice (my brother made a strike zone square drawing on our old garage, and pitched so much that he blew holes in the side of the wall…dude could throw!), for the neighborhood friends and families that allowed us to hang out at each other’s houses, play in their yards, discipline/check us when we were wrong or on that path to being wrong.

Again, my blog...my opinions, no intent to call anyone out or offend anyone.  Of course if you are offended.....those that know me know exactly what I'm thinking....LOL

Thanks for taking time to read.....Out!

Thanks to my family!

 

The importance of family with respect to any profession, but speaking purely from an official’s point of view here.

3-4-5 sometimes 6 nights per week away from home….sometimes an hour plus drive one way….sometimes in adverse weather conditions…… a lot of times after working your “real job” for 9+ hours, mentally drained, etc…… sometimes working with individuals that you are okay with…. sometimes with some that you’re not very fond of personally or professionally(more mental fatigue...lol).

 

I say this to say, it takes the entire family for an official to be a respected professional who is successful at his/her craft.  There are times when I am not there to help with homework, to help/cook dinner, to hear about the day at school/work….but come in later in the evening most likely tired from the entire day (not just reffing), yet taking the time to seek out how the day went in school, at work, etc.  My wife has been 100% supportive of my reffing since I started… and even more so since she began to officiate.  My youngest is also very supportive of me being out reffing, more so now than she used to be, and she understands that daddy is out doing something that he loves, that he’s good at and respected for….and it helps to provide her with some of the things that she otherwise might not have been readily available to her (yep spoiled…lol).  My oldest truly understands the impact that my reffing has, as she has ventured into the officiating realm and gotten her license to officiate volleyball, all while completing her first semester of grad school (proud dad moment)!

As I sit here in my office waiting to depart to yet another school, for yet another game…. I reflect on what I am missing out on at home, yet treasure what I am providing at the same time.  My children were, and are being raised to know the importance of a good work ethic, the importance of being professional, punctual and respected by those in and around you. 

My youngest once asked me “daddy, why are you sweating and the other guy isn’t”?....lol  My reply was simply that I was working hard and doing my best to be my best (not sure if she really understood my response…lol).  We always tell her, now that she’s venturing into the athletic arena playing volleyball for the first time……that we don’t expect you to be good, but we expect you to WANT to be good.  If you want to be good, it’ll translate later on into you being good by working and trying hard to do your best each and every time out.

My dad once told me, “I want you to be better than me, and for your kids to be better than you”  That was/is some resounding advice if you really dig deep into it. 

The power of family can permeate for generations with just one simple statement!

 

Thank you to my entire family!

 

Should everybody play?

Is it good enough just to be on a team?  Should everybody get to play at the 7^th/8^th grade or high school level in a competitive school system?

There comes a time when the whole “participation (everyone has to play)” agenda has to, and should go out of the preverbal window!

By me officiating a couple of sports, I often times see the cons of this mind set, especially at lower levels.  Kids (and I’ll use this term to describe the players) enter a game, sometimes with NO concept of what’s going on, or how to effectively play the chosen sport.  I had a situation not long ago where the coaches were deciding whether to play everyone, or try to WIN the game.  Granted this was one of their “rival” schools, so I’m sure both sides wanted to come away with the “W”.  One coach says to the other, “go for it, get a win…we need it”  That’s sports people…as one former NFL coach and now TV personality once said…..”you play to WIN the game”

Definition of Sports - an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature

During the match (volleyball), one of the parents/grandparents gets up and walks to the table to “discuss” why his daughter/granddaughter wasn’t playing….Really dude?  For those of you know about volleyball, it’s a very detailed and sometimes tedious task to keep score, etc. at the table, and you absolutely cannot have someone standing in front of you complaining, let alone blocking your view for a “valid” reason.  I could see the look on the coaches face (he’s keeping score for the team), so I blew my whistle and motioned for the table to ask the gentleman to move away from the table.  He turns around and looks at me and mutters something that I couldn’t decipher (probably a good thing for him…lol), so I wave him away from the table and state verbally “please do not stand in front of the table during the match sir…Thank you”.  He proceeded to go back to his seat, stopping along the way to seek support from other parents I guess.

I understand parents/grandparents wanting to support their children’s athletic endeavors, but also support them by taking some time to take him/her out on the court/field/ice or what have you, and work with him/her so that he/she has a chance to get better and EARN playing time.

When I came up, there was no such thing as this “everybody plays” agenda.  If you weren’t good enough to play, you didn’t play!  Not playing is and has always been the BEST motivation for kids to work harder so that they can play.  I sat behind guys coming up, and that made me want to work harder… get in the weight room, on the court, dribbling the ball at all hours in my basement, shoveling snow from the courts so that we could play in the winter, etc. so that I could deservingly be out there.  Heck, I believe we had close to 20 players on my high school Freshman basketball team, and not one of us “settled” for just getting in the game.  I was fortunate to be one that played, but each one on that team worked hard in practice, and never took for granted that everybody would play just because they were on the team.  Playing football in high school, there were kids that didn’t have a chance to play when we were in 9^th grade, but by working hard, by the time we were seniors, some of them were out there also!

Let’s rethink this mind set and make accountability (for putting in the work) a bigger priority if one chooses to play sports competitively.    Hard work pays off!!

#rantcomplete